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Captains Through the Storm
Becoming the Ultimate Husband




"He who is a slave to another cannot rule his home, for the one who rules him rules his home."


I. Biblical Prohibitions Regarding Lust


A. Matt 5:27-28  Looking with lust is equally as sinful as adultery

Mat 5:27  "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' 28  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.


B. 1 Peter 4:3  Lust is to be part of our past

1 Pet 4:3  For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do--living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry.


C. Col 3:5  Put lust to death

Col 3:5  Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.


D. 2 Tim 2:22; Rom 13:14    Avoid lust like the plague

2 Tim 2:22  Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.


Rom 13:14  Instead, put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.


E. Eph 5:3-5  Our lives should give no hint of sexual impurity

Eph 5:3  But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4  Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5  For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person--such a man is an idolater--has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.


II. Defining Lust and Sexual Purity


PURITY: akatharsia -- to be clean; the absence of anything which defiles; void of contamination


LUST: Epithumia, orexis, einai, pathos, hedone -- strong or passionate desire


A. 1 John 2:16  Lust has 2 basic expressions 

For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.  1 John 2:16


1. Lust of the eyes -- I like what I see


κ Difference between enjoying the sexual beauty of a woman and appreciating sunsets is hormones


2. Lust of the flesh -- I want what I see


B. Eph 5:4   Off-color jokes are impure and are always inappropriate

Eph 5:4  Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.


C. Eph 5:12; Prov 8:13    Graphic discussions of sexual sin shame us and entice us

Eph 5:12  For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.


III. Effects of Lust

"Lust makes the powerful weak and the wise fools."


A. Lust hinders one's ability to think clearly


1. 1 Sam 13:14; 2 Sam 11:2-17 -- King David 


2. Judg 16:6-20  -- Samson  


3. Deut 17:17; Prov 6:23-35; 7:5-27; 23:26-28; 30:20  -- Solomon  


B. Lust   rules   a man and thereby rules his home


2 Pet 2:19


1 Ths 4:4  "… each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable."


1 Cor 6:12 "I will not be mastered by anything."  (Rom 6:6, 16-22)


κ Those ruled by their habits are not ruled by Christ -- Mat 6:24


C. Lust promotes self-indulgence breaking down self-discipline vital to marital fidelity

Heb 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.


D. Lust   dehumanizes  women, making them into objects for gratification

1 Cor 13:4-5; Phil 2:3; John 15:13 -- Love is not self-seeking -- it is considerate and respectful; selfless and sacrificial; deferring to the other's needs first


E. Lust breeds lasciviousness

Gal 5:19; Mark 7:22; Rom 13:13; 1 Pet 4:3

Lasciviousness: aselgia -- unrestrained sexual interest; preoccupation with turning oneself on


F. Lust creates dissatisfaction in the marriage bed. (Heb 3:13)


1. Lust creates a standard of comparison


2. Adrenaline makes impure sex more exciting

Prov 9:17; 20:17


3. Lust cultivates an appetite for impure sex


G. Lust defiles the conscience, destroying one's faith   (1 Tim 1:19)



H. Lust creates a bond with a woman other than your wife.


I. Lust devalues sex and marriage



IV. Conquering Lust: The path to freedom


"Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?"  Prov 6:27


A. Gal 5:16, 23  Walk in the Spirit and bear the fruit of self control


κ Walk in full trust and submission to Christ


B. Devise new disciplines


1. Break old habits

1 Tim 4:7  … train yourself to be godly. 8  For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come


2. Starve  your flesh

2 Tim 2:22  Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (KJV)

Rom 8:13  … put to death the misdeeds of the body …

Rom 13:14  …  do not think about how to gratify the desire  (Also, 1 Pet 2:11)


3. Pray for the  hatred  of evil and  love   for your heavenly father

Prov 8:13  To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.

Rom 12:9  Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Gen 39:9 "… How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?"


C. 1 Cor 10:13  Have a ready response for temptation


1. Discipline your eyes

Job 31:1


2. Mat 5:44   Pray for those who tempt you


1. You will see them through God's eyes

2. You will see them as souls in need of Jesus

3. You will grow in selfless compassion


3. Prepare a verbal response for flirtatious women. (See next page.)


4. Discipline your mind regarding inappropriate fantasies

2 Cor 10:5  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.


5. Be on your guard against bonding with female coworkers


D. Remember Paul's warnings

Gal. 5:19-21; Eph  4:19; 5:5  Lust is characteristic of the unregenerate


E. Make yourself accountable to someone

James 5:16  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed…


F. Have frequent fresh starts

Prov 28:13  He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

Remember, God is cheering for you


G. Pursue  selfless love  for your wife

Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her … 28  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.


H. Remind yourself the great price Christ paid to obtain your forgiveness  

Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her …


Remember - your wife and children need you out from under the influence of your passions



Preparing Yourself to Respond to an Aggressive Woman




Their words

5:3  For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil;

6:24  keeping you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife.

7:5  they will keep you from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words.

7:21  With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk.

7:18  Come, let's drink deep of love till morning; let's enjoy ourselves with love!

- Hints of love or commitment; ie: "Hi, Sexy." "Now, remember - I'm first in line if your wife ever leaves you."

- Pours out praise and affirmation

- More than others, compliments and flatters you, ie: "You're so good at that!" "You look so good in that!"



Their gaze

6:25  Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes,

- Stares longingly

- Twinkles and smiles when listening

- Laughs extra-hard at jokes



Their appearance

7:10  Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent.

- Groom themselves to capture sexual interest or admiration



Their aggressiveness

7:11  She is loud and defiant, her feet never stay at home;

7:12  now in the street, now in the squares, at every corner she lurks.

7:15  So I came out to meet you; I looked for you and have found you!

23:28  Like a bandit she lies in wait, and multiplies the unfaithful among men.

- Is "on the make"

- Manages to always be around

- Finds you and sits next to you at lunch; walks with you to your car

- Calls with a need as an excuse for a chat

- Goes out of the way to say hello



Their touch

7:13  She took hold of him and kissed him …

- Brushes her body up against you

- Frequently touches you -- uses any excuse

- during conversations puts her hand on leg, grabs your arm, etc.

- helps you on with your coat

- Looks for you when the mistletoe comes out

- Gives backrubs without asking



Their provision for relationship

7:17  I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.

- boldly declare to you their interest in you

- tell you they want to have an uncommitted relationship with you


Their lack of conscience

30:20  "This is the way of an adulteress: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, 'I've done nothing wrong.'

- justifies impure behavior and attitudes

- "God meant us to be together."


If you would like to order the full 8-CD set
from which this was excerpted,
click on the following link:

Captains Through the Storm
Becoming the Ultimate Husband